Compared with Hillary...

After watching the Democratic National Convention, when Bill gave a long speech about Hillary Clinton’s bio, I feel like comparing myself to Hillary.

Hillary Clinton is a few years older than my sister, older than I am, and while she's been spending all years apparently doing public service, improving the ‘lives of millions of people’, I've been painting and drawing.

I've been getting a lot of rejections from juried shows lately but I finally got to show put on by ArtSpan in a swanky Mission Bowling Club where I can showcase the big new work. I was less excited when I delivered and realized there were four other artists in the show, but heck, it’s still cool. (Terrified that two of my paintings are hung really low on the staircase to the eating area, in reach of greasy fingers, and will be damaged.)

Standing in front of 2 large paintings at the opening

Mission Bowling opening

I also got in a group show in a real gallery, a cool gallery, in Berkeley, called Ube, opening next week.

So why have I dedicated myself my life to art? When I was in grammar school, I was the kid in the class or maybe even the kid in the school that was good at art. (Okay, there was another girl who was better than I was, but she was getting private drawing or art classes outside of school. She was really good.) I was good at school, but best at art.

In fourth grade, I drew horses for the other girls for cash. I founded The Little Artists Club (LAC), which had two members, my best friend, Mary, and I. We had an art opening in her parent’s laundry basement and both families attended. I would loiter around friends’ mothers who were artists, asking them about their work. As a child I wrote stories, plays, and comics. I also knitted, crocheted, embroidered, sewed, did macramé, did leather work, took photos, made films, built a tree house, etc. My sister was really good at art but she never pursued it.

I went to an early feminist art show in my first college and a photographer overheard me saying, “I wish I could be an artist.”

     And she said, “Well, why don’t you?”

     I said “My mother wouldn’t approve.”

     She said “It’s your life, isn’t it? She had her life.”

And of course, this changed my life forever.

Later when I had my interview to get into the respected art school there, SUNY at New Paltz, the Dean said their policy was not to admit many women, because women would get married and quit art. I assured him I would not get married. They admitted me, but I decided to go elsewhere for my art degree. (I did marry later but art was always my mission.)

On National Public Radio, a female stockbroker said that women who pursued creative careers have hurt ourselves twice, partly because we don't have a lot of income, and we also don't have a lot of money to invest in things to get the society that we want.

So a lifetime spent painting and drawing and studying a lot. Attended drawing sessions all my life. Went back to school to study graphic design so that I could find work.

I probably worked as hard as Hillary. I always had to have two careers. I guess you could say she had two careers also, she was a mom and a public servant. But when compared to her, someone who has helped ‘millions of people’… I've basically learned how to paint and draw, somewhat, somewhat. (Mastery as an artist is never reached.)

So she's helped ‘millions of people’ get a better life and I've gotten pretty good at something that seems like an anachronism, something that doesn't seem wanted anymore, something that is way out of fashion. If the future was a river, I am stranded on an island off to the side, not even in the river. A peculiar place to find oneself after so much hard work.

However, art what I was best at, at so that's what I pursued.

Do I have regrets? Possibly, I will, if the future doesn’t want what I did, if my work ends up in the rubbish bin. I don't have regrets spending my life doing what I love. I’ve been a gambler with my life and it's not over yet.

When I was in college, Sue Penwarden and I got to interview Joey Ramone for my punk fanzine. In response to a question about gaining success, he told us “You can just never give up.” I guess I've been kind of following his advice all these years. 

Joey Ramone did okay.

Getting ready for Open Studio

I'm in the middle of the seasonal race to clean up my studio for the big open studio event. With over 150 other artists opening their studios, it's a huge event. Also it's free, free parking, open to dogs, children, and used to be free booze – so we get large crowds.You can't imagine just how messy and hazardous most studios get. The Point Office is always after us to keep them clean and uncluttered and fireproof, which is good. Many of the artists are there late at night carrying boxes in and out of the building. I take boxes of unfinished paintings home, some of the artists store stuff in theirs cars for the weekend.

This year I have too much of my new series for the amount of walls. Can I hang from the ceiling? On the ceiling? But I guess it's not about quantity.

A friend advised me that my studio at the event always looks too much like a gallery. She advises to be like another artist who has paintings from floor to ceiling and in piles; lots of work; and says "she looks more eager to sell." So yesterday, I managed to precariously lean way over on the ladder and hang some small paintings way up near the ceiling. Looks cluttered. I'll take them down if I can get up there again.

In all my time painting, I have only thrown out one piece and that's because I thought it might be radioactive. I have destroyed many works by painting over them – what I call a "sacrifice" – my private, pagan offering. If the piece being sacrificed was quite good, it lends good energy to the new painting. When these paintings go to someone's collection, I know how much is under the surface and it feels like a multiple sale. 

We are asked to donate a piece of art for the auction. That causes me to go through a lot of older work hunting for something that is great but that I can give away. I get a lot of stuff out which needs work, or framing, or matting. Then I run out of time and shove it all back into the cupboards again. Once I choose a piece, it  simultaneously loses its value and goes up in value – which makes it hard to price.

20th and Rhode Island, 12"x16", plein air

I chose a really nice, little plein air landscape this year. It's a view of a steep hill. I was in an emotionally crisis when I painted it, but sat in the car on the corner all day painting for two days. The edge of the hill is a bit furry. I tried repeatedly to sharpen it but it kept going furry. Maybe it's the horror I was feeling right there on the canvas. And some idiot moved the car. (It's not their fault but still...) As a finished work, it an old-timey 1930s naive quality. I already regret giving it away, but maybe someone will love it as I do.

Going through all the old pieces I can't believe I still have so many. I love them all and I love their flaws. They record the feelings I had throughout my life and each one has a story.

People say "They're like your children, ha, ha, ha." They are the stories of my life – more like my autobiography. It's hard to think of an autobiography where each paragraph is being sent to a different home, forever.

- - - - - - 

I bought a new (refurbished) camera to make videos but also shoot stills of my work. So far the camera has turned out to be so complicated and I can't figure out how to get a good focus on the stills. It's taking nice large images but not as sharp as I want. I have read all the directions many times and watched tutorials on youtube. I made my third test yesterday. Close to getting a focus on the smaller works. The big paintings have to go to a professional to shoot.

Anyhow, here is a bad photo of this large new painting, a still life of a pile of stuff with fake fur, animal print and feathers. Needs a title.

What should I call this one?

Titles submitted by friends and art lovers

During my Spring Open Studio, I showed two of the new tall paintings. To me they feel like figure paintings. I called them “Totems”. One of my visitors said that was kind of a cop out. So I asked the many guests for suggestions and received a lot of wonderful, fun suggestions. See below.

Thank you all for playing. (I have a newer, really nutty painting for title suggestions for next time.)

This painting reminds me of a Madonna because of the blue and the red, and the fact that the Madonna is usually sitting with adoring creatures around her. (Yikes, this is a really bad slide and not actually a final version of the painting.)

Moving

Getting ready to move

Garage sale—dog not for sale

Rec and Waiting

Rec in waiting

Family Life

Everyday life

Crap happens

Moving to College

Star wars

What does not belong in this picture

The sound of the phone not answered

Direct TV

What the dog knew

My next trip

Dog Robot

Guarding the goods

Animal Husbandry

Madonna of the Shakeweight

And there's this one:

Silly Goose

Read and Ride

Afleck

Spinning

Honked

Stacked message

Temperamental Storage room

Garage sale with swan

Getting ready to paint

“Swann’s Way”

Duct tape

Swan contemplating retirement

Swan lake

3-Ring swan

Balanced chaos

Swan song

Swan unplugged

On vacation

Swan library

Bicycle Duck

something with 'Tinguely' in it...

Thanks to the person who suggested Jean Tinguely. I had forgotten all about him. The wonderful robotic sculptures. He used a lot of bicycle wheels. I just read about the piece below in "The bride and her bachelors: five masters of the avant-garde" by Calvin Tomkins. 

Another painting in process

The still life scene.

I had an idea to paint some of these fancy shoes. Two of them are Jeffrey Campbell and they came in these amazing boxes. My rabbit was to be added later to give it a live element (as I have been doing). I thought a big jumble would be interesting. I removed a lot of shoes from the initial pile as it was too complicated. I was worried about even this level of complexity. The background was to be white or neutral.

The first photo I took after I roughed in the drawing and added some shading. I think I held my breath the whole time I was drawing this. It was complex enough that I was worried if I got it wrong it wouldn't go together. I started at top left drawing with a brush and cerulean blue paint. By the time I got to the grey boots, they would've been off the bottom of the canvas so I had to either restart or cram everything in there. I decided to cram it in. I planned for the rabbit on the right.

Adding some darks, working on background. With each round, I work a little all over the canvas. If I have red paint I add a glaze to the reds. If I have a dark I dawb it around where I need darks. I add all of my colors to the background in thin layers. I worked an hour or two between breaks.

More darks all over, some color added, blue shoe and black boots darkened.

More background work, boxes started. 

Rabbit added—she wouldn't pose so I tried to follow her around getting glimpses. Painted studs on small boot, more work on boxes, some work on background.

More background, more overall, grey boots filled in, more work on snakeskin boots. 

Added some shading on yellow box and added kitty cats on pink box. Repainted grey boots. 

Painted the studs, rabbit, grey boots and snakeskin boots again. Repainted blue shoe. Added face on box. Almost final. 

Final. Still needs signature.

Repainted rabbit, especially nose area, added stripes on left. Carefully painted in all the studs with several layers of paint in different colors. Fixed boxes. I am happy with how the silver shoes came out. I just kept adding paint over and over and suddenly I noticed they looked like silver. Not happy with snakeskin books. Whatever. I think it's an interesting painting. Is it tacky? Not sure about that. Let me know what you think.

Painting in progress

painting in progress, early views, final at bottom:

I found these teddy bears in the free area and they reminded me of my best friend from childhood. I missed her. I put them on my sofa and tried to paint them. I knew a rabbit would end up there sooner or later. As it turns out she wouldn't pose long -- normally she is pretty good but she didn't like being up  on the sofa.

This painting has been sitting in my apartment for months. I worked on it a few times but could not figure out what to do with it. The actual sofa when drawn correctly went completely off the left and bottom side and just looked weird. So I redesigned it. 

I added nubby bits to the teddy bear, worked on pillow and couch, added darks, brightened the rabbit, fixed her eye. I work in thin layers and just keep going over and over areas with more color.

I dulled out shadow on sofa in the foreground, brightened sofa overall.

Added furry carrot and stripes on left. I have stripes on many other paintings. I like them. It flattens out the side of the painting. Originally I was going to cover up the left of the sofa with it. The colors are the same pigments used in the painting but mostly greyed out a lot. They still look super bright. At this point I thought I was done.

I decided the rabbit was too prominent in the last one and the sofa was too dark. Repainted lighter and more yellow (though you can't tell that in the morning light), repainted carrot, got rabbit back on the couch and redrew the leg area, darkened rabbit, lightened darks of rabbit in highlight areas, added shedding and fixed some of the spots.

This is the final painting at this point though it needs a better photo. The rabbit blends in better with the scene, carrot looks better. Yes, it's an odd painting for sure!

You'll be able to see this one in my two fall open studios in November -- one at G2 and one at Hunters Point.

Still life

The Vegas paintings did not turn out as well as expected. Disappointing. 

Back at home, I decided to paint fruit and veg in the studio. Generally I paint still lifes every year for auctions or whatever, but this turned into a whole series.

My sister was always telling me to get rid of stuff. “Take a picture of it and then get rid of it.” I added some objects to the pictures but I did not get rid of the objects.

I am pleased with the results. I like the paintings and they were fun to do. They are not very exciting though the way a plein air painting seems to be, when it turns out well. 

This is still painting reality, but easier—much easier. No wind, no running out of sun time. And you can eat some of the stuff when you are done.